SacredSpace

A sacred space for sharing and adding healing energy into our world. You can also find me at my website OneMindOnline.org.

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Location: Pacific Northwest

I have a private practice as a Spiritual Director, I'm an interfaith minister with Buddhism being my primary practice, and currently work as a nurse at the local hospice and in senior care. I am finishing my studies toward a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology. Previous to this, I spent three years training to become a Buddhist monk. That followed an eleven year career in cognitive neuropsychology and brain electrophysiology. I am fluent in cat and hopeless at making a really good trifle.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

In the Current Moment

Yesterday I was reminded that it is not always a sign of unmitigated brilliance to be someone who comes up with many ideas about their life. Ideas are wonderful for stimulating the mind but you have to be careful not to squelch the creative fire that needs to arise in order to allow the idea to become manifest. The image I was given was that of my having so much mental downloading of what I want to do and be that it was acting like a low pressure situation on the fire that was trying to arise from the earth to concretize all those wonderful ideas. The antidote, I was told, was to get to water, be with water, become water. It will not put out the flames of the creative but it will allow the feelings surrounding these ideas to become apparent.

I think that my cycle is this: I become aware of what I must do next. The fire spirit arises to begin the manifestation of the dream. As the dream starts to become a reality there is fear because the unknown is scary and wonderful and I could actually succeed! The fear becomes so great that I will quickly squash the manifesting idea by coming up with a different idea, which begins to manifest, which will bring up the fear, which means I must download another idea.

Getting by the water, allowing a fresh wind to blow, watching the fluidity, will allow the water element of my own being to have a voice. "Yes, I am afraid, tired, delighted, excited..." Whatever it is. It will not change the course of the manifestation it will actually get me deeper in touch with the flow of it.

For all things to be in balance we must move within and with the current of the moment.

(Artwork courtesy of Sybil Shane)

Friday, April 21, 2006

Jumping At Shadows

I mean, some days I just go around scared of everything. The fear is just in my face and I can't get around it. What to do? Just sit in the middle of it and see what arises. Most of my fears are just phantom, fuzzy, stuffed ducks with no more power to bring down my life than, well, fuzzy, stuffed ducks. There are no bombs going off around my head, I have more than enough food to keep me from true starvation, I have clothes in my closet and medical insurance. I can meditate, walk, see, hear. Better to go with the attitude of gratitude.

Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the Peace of the Eternal.

(from 'A Course in Miracles')

Link

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Life Without Gall


1. A gallbladder with many stones. 2. The single stone in my gallbladder was as big as the one on the right.


Last month I held a ceremony of release the day before my gallbladder surgery. The time had come to say goodbye. The time had come to face the fact that I had physically, and, more importantly, spiritually abused my gallbladder beyond it's capacity to function within my body.

The physical errors I made were clear. I am a McProduct of my McSociety. Too many years of a high, nasty-fat diet and yo-yo weight fluctuations had taken their toll. By the time I had switched to a vegetarian diet the damage was already done.

The spiritual contributions to gallbladder dis-ease? A life of anger. Repressed or expressed does not matter. If anger is the main mode of ones reaction to life; if things in life just 'gall' you to no end; the gallbladder is the organ that takes the hit. In my family of origin anger was the main mode of communication. I have been angry all my life. I have carried grudges about people and situations around with me for a lifetime. I have gnawed on the bones of dead issues until they have filtered into my physical life and solidified, calcified, crystallized in the form of a rock hard lump of rage.

And the cleansing of the spiritual karma that I have been doing around this issue finally dovetailed into the need to cleanse the physical karma. I got physically sick beyond anything I have experienced in years. The pain and nausea were almost unbearable. Fourteen days after finally admitting that I needed to see my doctor I was on a gurney rolling down a hallway to the operating room.

In my meditations since my surgery I have experienced a purge of spirit and body. An opportunity for a new way to live. A release of an unhealthy pattern of destruction. Not only will I be even more aware and cautious with my diet, I will be extremely diligent about watching out for the angry mind, the grudging mind, the critical mind.

I am deeply grateful for this teaching.

[More women than men tend to have gallbladder disease for a number of physical reasons. Therefore, the link I chose to include with this posting is to a women's health site which lists several resources. Anger knows no gender boundaries, however, so the information found is relevant to both men and women.]

Link

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Fun Times

Well, my visit with my kiddos is over. We had a really nice time just hanging. I'm really proud to know both of them. They are fine young men who are confident and living their lives according to their hearts and what they know to be best.

I wonder what the future will hold for all of us? Ian still has a year and some til he gets out of the Army. Then he becomes a civilian again and will start to be a present parent for his son, Austin. How will he handle all those changes? Eli is still a wanderer and world bon vivant. Will he ever find a place to land and call home? Or will he remain what the japanese call their monastics, "Unsui"? Wandering Cloud. One who calls the whole universe 'home'. As for me, I am still working toward my Ph.D. and planning to start work at the local hospice. What surprises and opportunities await with each of these steps?

For the moment, I must do only that which is right in front of me. Sort and file my old bills. Eat a little lunch. Take the cat to the vet. This is the true path of dharma. One step at a time.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

A Day of Blessings


While I am not a Christian I took a moment this morning to meditate and tap into the level of devotion that so many are sharing this day. For Christians this day is deeply significant. I would venture to say that it is the most important religious holiday of the Christian faith.

After my meditation I continued to reflect upon the significance of this day. It seems to me that the theme of death and resurrection is so vital to all religions. It is, maybe, the very theme of Faith. When our faith is strong we can experience and witness the death of so many things with the understanding that from the ashes of change and impermanence arises the glory of the strength of spirit. In Buddhism, we work toward the death of ego and self so that our true Buddha Nature may arise in splendor within us.

And so I join in today's celebrations in my own way. A day of contemplation, a day of blessings. May all beings be at Peace.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Feeling Like Bucky

All I have to say today is, "Blaaaaaaaa..."

(Oh,excuse me! Is this 'un-Buddhist'-like??? Well, Blaaaaaa!)

Late Night Head-Wall Banging

I can't believe that I'm sitting here in this house at midnight obsessing over the walls in my head. These walls were built brick by brick out of all the expectations I have about who I am 'supposed' to be as a mom. My kids and I haven't lived together as a family unit for 6 years. This past week has found us having a reunion and I am stunned and appalled at my own lack of holding my ground. Guess what I discovered?? Somewhere back in my childhood I equated the concept of 'mom' with 'slave'.

I have been the observer in this past week and have watched scene after scene of myself cooking and cleaning in an endless, mindless whirlwind. I have been unconsciously beating myself over the fact that I cooked the bacon too much, the chicken and the lamb not enough, and that I haven't been able to change and wash the sheets on the kids beds EVERY BLOODY DAMN DAY!! I find myself cringing if I leave counters unwiped or the pillows on the couch unfluffed and in their symmetrical placements. Somehow I am buying into this internal dialogue that is monitoring and critiquing everything I do. "If you don't do it just SO you are NOT being a 'good mom' and your children will be deeply disappointed with you. And by the way, you really could be doing more if you would stop being so lazy...oh stop whining about that surgery from three weeks ago...you're just giving yourself excuses..."

What the **BLEEP** is going on here??? Who am I?? Why am I doing this to myself and how do I get out of this maze of walls I keep banging my head against???