The Teacher Becomes the Student

Herein lies my teaching for the day:

This morning I went over to my son, Eli's, site and got the opportunity to read his latest blog entry. As I began to read I became quickly disoriented. Who wrote this?? My son?? Wait, wait wait...

As I continued to read I let go the mom thread and read some very deep, moving and insightful commentary about a life explored. There were questions asked but not necessarily answered. There were dilemmas noted that found a voice. There was a resolution at the end that found it's way to a frog, a lizard and the evening grass.

Within it all I found resonance with some of my own life and I found myself nodding in agreement. When I was done I had to laugh a little because a scene from my dream last night came to mind: a priest is talking to me and he suddenly leans over and stares at me and gets very intent and asks in a hushed tone, "How do you know about Immortality?" I laughed because I figure that the next time this priest looks me up in Dreamtime I'm going to tell him that everything I know I learned from my son.

Some days it's just good to let yourself go down the rabbit hole wearing a grin.

The Hardest Thing

Over the course of my life I have often been asked about, or refered to, the hardest thing I have ever done. I used to say it was being raised as an abused child and surviving. Later, it was raising my kids as a single parent, and then it was giving up everything and leaving the world to enter the monastery. That was followed by the event of leaving the monastery and having to re-enter the world and re-create my life as a lay person.

This morning's meditation revealed the truest thing that I have done that has, in the end, actually been the hardest. To change. All of the events above have really been simply the context for change within. Looking hard at myself, looking hard at my mistakes, my flaws, my fears. To be willing to transform my greed, anger and delusions into Compassion, Love and Wisdom. The hardest thing I have ever done is still the hardest thing I am doing. And it will be the hardest thing I will do in the future.

And I am willing.

Seeing is Believing?

Summer nights are so exquisite for lying on the sweet grass and gazing toward the dome of the heavens above. Stars and planets cast their glittering light into the vast, deep night. We sigh with the beauty and try to count them.

The next time you enjoy this restful past time consider this -- a percentage of the stars that we see shining are a mirage of the past. Although our eyes swear to us that yes, indeed, there is a star, and there is a star, many of these seeming realities have long, long ago burnt out and faded from the universe. That which our senses tell us to be 'real' is not. It is simply an illusion of the dead past co-existing with the present.

What else in our lives do we swear to be true that is nothing more than a dream of a star from the past?

Just What Mother Always Wanted!!

Although a bit early I would like to take a moment to thank all the moms out there for their hard, hard work, their dedication to a job that does not hand out degrees or diplomas when you graduate (if a mom ever graduates), and their selfless sacrifices made in the context of everyday living.

Our local paper ran an ad for a fancy salon's Mother's Day special. One of their spendier packages promised, among other things, the following:


"A Champagne and Caviar Facial" and "A Decadent Lunch with a Rose"

While I would personally prefer to consume that champagne and caviar, I think a rose would be a superb listener....

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Call of the Han

The han is a wooden block which is located outside the meditation hall. It is struck approximately 10 minutes prior to a meditation period. I have always had a love/hate relationship with this particular instrument. When I was the one behind the striking mallet I loved it. When I had to endure the often ear-splitting crack of it, and I was late, tired, frustrated, or wanting to get that 'one more minute' of work done on some project of the moment I simply abhored that sound.

Somehow, despite my best ego-will, that sound has gotten into my blood and bones. I miss it when I do not hear it here at home. Somewhere along the Way it ceased to be a marker of time and became a call, an invitation, from the Eternal to drop the worldly ways and mind, to come back to our true home, our place of rest.

In the end, that very invitation is beyond sound and we learn to hearken and respond to it with the Eye that hears and the ears that See.

Cool Times

This morning during meditation I realized that I had come to a 'cool' point in my training. These times are experienced as very flat and almost lifeless to some people. Some would say that they are 'stuck' because usually our training is experienced in some difficult way as we struggle with our issues, our karma arising. We are twisting in the wind with our feet to the fire. No, not fun at all, but at least we are aware of movement of some kind.

In the cool times we find there is often little besides ordinary life to attend to and our experience of our emotions is often 'dead'. We are not even really depressed...there is just a 'nothing' to life. It seemingly lacks impetus and motivation. Many people, myself included, find these patches of training often more difficult than the fiery times. There appears to be a disconnect to, and disinterest in, our lives and ourselves. Sometimes there even feels like a disconnect to the Eternal. We seem to be adrift in a void.

My teachers were always very candid and acknowledged that they, too, had their cool training times. Some of them still went through these even after 30 years. The way to train through them is just the same as with all other training: sit with it and know that it is impermanent and change will come. And, as with all other moments in our lives, continue to practice with uncomplaining all-acceptance and the attitude of gratitude.